Self Image

Something a lot of us women have a hard time with is having a positive outlook on our image. So I'm sure it's not a shocker to hear, loving myself on the exterior is a daily struggle.

I'm too chubby, too saggy, my face is lopsided, my teeth too big/crooked/yellow, my eyelashes too short, my nails too thin, my hair too fine/broken and not the right color, hair that grows in places I wish it wouldn't, my skin too dry/white, veins I wish I couldn't see, my not so slender ankles, too broad shoulders, mole ridden arms...

Wanting to save and plan for surgery to "fix" a few things yet wondering if it would just ruin them, me, in the end.

Then why is it that any time I build myself up and start not just loving but enjoying being me I tear myself down. I'll look in the mirror and a thought will float by; man I really like how my hair worked out today, my lips look amazing with this lip gloss, I can really see some definition in my arms, this shirt flatters my body, I feel good, I'm pretty...

I automatically back right up and start telling myself that I am a horrible person and I shouldn't be so full of myself. why? And I'm not. But I am. I hate me, yet I love me. But for some reason I won't allow myself to love in fear that I am being too vain. Which leads to an internal argument over who's right and who's wrong about how I should really be feeling. Moment ruined. Great, I hate myself again.

So I start looking for connections. Things I love for reason and not just for today.

When I look at my hands I see my mom's hands and I love my mom therefor I love my hands. <3 My eyes are wide and open like my grandpa's and I love my grandpa therefor I love my eyes. <3 When I smile I resemble people I get to see daily and others that I really miss and love therefor I love my smile. <3 My face has a shape that blends right in with aunts/cousins and I love my family therefor I love my shape. <3 When I scrutinize my naked body I see proof that I'm a mother and I love my children therefor I love my body. <3 Every scar a memory; childhood, motherhood, vacations, experiences, things that define me. And really that's what matters in the end. The person who you are. And I, I kinda like me... :)